I am going to send a question out to a bunch of wine folks over time and then print the answers here, but figured I’d take a shot at it first in case everyone thinks it is a stupid idea and ignores me. The question is: What five people, living or dead, would you like to share a bottle with, why, and what would it be? Yes, I know that is is really three questions in one, but a lot of us winos would do the math and think we had to answer FIFTEEN questions. Imagine how much drinking time that would cut into?

Anyway, here are my five.

Lenny Bruce

Some of my favorite things when drinking are to laugh, discuss how completely screwed up our justice system is, and swear profusely and profoundly. Who better than Lenny Bruce to do that with? I can’t think of a better pairing than the father of all modern comedy with Twisted Oak’s *%#&@! (Pairs and rhymes well with duck)

Jesus

Besides the completely obvious reason that the wine would never run out, can you imagine what he might have to say about about his “followers” after a few glasses? What would we drink? I’m thinking it would be whatever our Lord and Savior wants.

Kurt Vonnegut

I saw Kurt Vonnegut speak during the reign of America’s second dumbest president, whom he claimed owned more tuxedos than books, a statement I still firmly believe to be true. The experience was what I imagine it must have been like to hear Mark Twain on stage. He spoke for hours but it seemed like just a few minutes passed before he was gone. While I don’t know what the great man liked to drink, or if he even did drink, but I think something light and tasty to sip on would be best to ensure that my wits wouldn’t abandon me and cause me to miss any of his. Maybe Maryhill Winery 2007 Winemaker’s White.

Frank Zappa

Back in the day we called him Uncle Frank, and when he died it really did feel like I had lost a family member. I don’t think the modern world possesses anyone with half his talent or a quarter of his biting sarcasm. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with a guy who could take on Disco one minute and then rip Congress to shreds the next? I don’t know what Frank would want, but I’d need something delicious and powerful to take away the sting brought on by being a simpleton in the presence of genius. One of Cornerstone’s fantastic Cabs would probably do the trick.

Anthony Bourdain

Not all of my heroes are dead, just most of them. Bourdain may not yet have reached the same lofty heights as those above him on this list, or of many below who aren’t on the actual list, but he might be the only living celebrity I can think of to embody so much of their spirit. The bottle(s) would have to be Bordeaux. You never know, a chef who specialized in French cuisine just might get the munchies and want to cook something. Hey Tony, if you somehow happen to read this, we keep the duck fat on the second shelf of the fridge!

Others who may have made the cut had I made it on another day: Norman Mailer, Lou Reed, Joey Ramone, Jack Kerouac, Billy Holliday, Al Jourganson, Patti Smith, Jim Thompson, Robert Johnson, Josephine Baker, Trent Reznor, Eric Schmidt, Angela Davis, Isadora Duncan, Errol Flynn, Miles Davis, Conrad Dobler, Edith Piaf, FDR, Jimmy Hoffa, Mae West, Betty Page, Iggy Pop, Nikkie Van Lierop, Oscar Wilde, Patty Hearst, Warren Zevon, Marylin Manson, Lester Bangs and the dear departed Doctor Thompson, who didn’t make the list. As much fun as it would be, I firmly believe in the separation of alcohol and firearms.

There you have it. Who’s on your list? Send it to us and there is a very good chance we’ll publish it.