Because another wine food and travel blog was way too long.
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The Prodigal Chicken Returns!For all of you out there that been unable to sleep at night from worry, please rest easy now. After weeks of tense negotiations with the wicked, desperate pirates that plague the aisles, cubes and halls of my workplace, the chicken has been returned. As I have been under strict orders from the FBI hostage negotiation team not to discuss any of this until this high profile case was resolved, it has been impossible to keep readers of this site abreast of events as they happened. Fear not, the harrowing and heroic story can now be told. When last we heard from the despotic criminal mastermind behind the nefarious chickennapping he was sending taunting messages and photos under the name “Jason.” What kind of name is that for an arch-criminal? Lex Luther, Goldfinger, Moriarity, and…Jason??? I’ll bet he drinks lambics, owns a yappy poodle and ties his sweater around his neck. But I digress… After more notes, photos, and even a taunting phone call from a helium voiced accomplice, this saga took a strange twist. The top suspect in the chickennapping had his beloved stuffed manatee (don’t ask) abducted as well. In its place was a note that read as follows:
In an apparent retaliatory move, the wind-up flipping Mario that guards my desk turned up missing which caused me to walk over to a co-worker’s desk where the following conversation took place: Me: Mario is missing.
As you can see from that terrifying conversation, I work in a place that resembles the streets in an old Scorcese movie. Eventually many other folks became involved in the campaign to get the chicken released. When I purchased my pirate chicken in California, I had also purchased one for my Chickennapper co-worker. Even his chicken got into the act.
This may have been close to the final straw for the scoundrel who purloined my fowl friend, but it was another day or so before he cracked, as documented below in glorious technicolor photographic proof.
The grilling he received from the authorities must have rattled him to the core, because this hardened and evil lifelong desperado released my chicken, completely unharmed, the very next day. Here he is gazing adoringly up at me from my chair. That is the chicken with the adoring look, by the way, not the chickennapper.
Thus ends the Chicken Chronicles. May it serve as a reminder to one and all that life’s blessings, and chickens, should never be taken for granted. 
View Comments to “The Prodigal Chicken Returns!”
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June 4th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Oh thank goodness!
+Jessie
June 4th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
As Mae West said, “Goodness had nothing to do with it!” I had to bribe those thugs.
June 5th, 2009 at 9:38 am
This was just the kind of insanity I needed! Never trust anyone that ties a –gasp– sweater around his neck!
June 5th, 2009 at 9:38 am
This was just the kind of insanity I needed! Never trust anyone that ties a –gasp– sweater around his neck!
June 7th, 2009 at 12:01 am
See? Mario Batali can get you out of all kinds of trouble. Case closed dirtbags! Touche!
June 7th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Truer words have never been spoken!
June 7th, 2009 at 9:49 am
All hail the Mario!
June 7th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Truer words have never been spoken!
June 7th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
All hail the Mario!
June 7th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Truer words have never been spoken!
June 7th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
All hail the Mario!
June 24th, 2009 at 8:29 am
[...] that said, in celebration of the return of the Prodigal Chicken, and our nation’s glorious birth, El Jefe has agreed to a *%#&@! good deal on his potty [...]