5. Absinthe – If you care at all for your well-being, you will never drink this. It’s not even meant to be drank as a shot. I only include it because drinking it will literally age your entire body 17 years (and what’s more manly than being an old man?). It tastes like cough-syrup set on fire and then gargled and pissed out by Satan himself, is 140 proof, and spends its downtime thinking up new ways to murder puppies. Just because it’s now legal in the States does not mean you should drink it. I’d rather drink brake fluid chased by AIDS-needles than drink this horrible shit… but if you can stomach it without louching it or otherwise diluting it, you’re a stupider better man than I. I have a very personal aversion to absinthe (much like my aversion to mezcal) that makes my stomach curdle and butthole clench at the very mention of it.