Because another wine food and travel blog was way too long.
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An Unspeakable Tragedy
The other day I arrived at work to find that my wonderful, faithful companion was missing and in his place was a ransom note. While the handwriting looked vaguely familiar, I could not discern whose it was. These guys are apparently professionals with a long history of kidnapping chickens? What kind of sick individuals kidnap innocent chickens like mine. I just hope these sickos don’t choke him! Here is the first ransom note. Click to see a larger version.
The text of the note, if I am reading it through my tears correctly, says, “We have commandeered your chicken! If you don’t want him to have another peg-leg, cover this story on your blog from now until our demands are met or we’ll go poastal (sic) on his behind.” Not wanting to encourage this type of criminal behavior, I did not post anything here nor did I contact the authorities because I used to watch “McMillen and Wife” as a child and that is what they always recommended. The kidnappers did not contact me as I conducted quite exhaustive interviews of all of my co-workers/suspects. That all changed this morning as I found this hanging over my desk.
This one read, ” Leave randsom (sic) behind printer by Lonnie’s cube no wine no chicken 9 days…dead tic toc tic toc tic top” The twisted freaks even included this horrific photo.
What kind of evil **** would place this kind, loving, wonderful creature’s head in a paper cutter like that? Apparently the kind that are impatient and have too much time on their hands, as this was waiting on my keyboard after my usual lunchtime visit to the gym.
This note was a bit more cryptic, but no less menacing. It reads, ” You need to take this more serious (sic). He who cooks wields the knife” If the kidnapper is reading this, he or she should know that I am a better cook than they are and have far superior knives. If you hurt one feather on his precious head, I will…*SOB* Sorry, I am okay now considering the circumstances. If anyone has any information regarding these chicken kidnappers, please send it to me. I ask that all readers of this blog keep my chicken in their thoughts and prayers. Stay tuned, as I will post any new developments as they arise. Hold on, chicken! Daddy’s coming! 
View Comments to “An Unspeakable Tragedy”
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April 10th, 2009 at 6:41 am
No Rubber chicken should be treated this way! Did you increase his life insurance lately………..
The Mustang Winemaker and rubber chicken owner,
Penny
April 10th, 2009 at 9:33 am
No, but maybe I should have.
April 10th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Was there a red and white bucket nearby? If so, I think I might know of a suspect.
April 10th, 2009 at 10:05 am
The fiend you are looking for owns Ginsu knives and purchases magazines. That should narrow it down quite a bit!
The humanity, I mean, chickanity…
April 11th, 2009 at 5:11 am
If I were you, I'd just go Israeli commando on their asses, learn'em a lesson and if the hostage doesn't make it, well at least you'll have the pieces for dinner..er..burial…
April 11th, 2009 at 7:01 am
Oh no! Vile kidnappers. If we lived closer, we'd put together a search party and find him, Scooby-Doo style.
+Jessie
April 11th, 2009 at 7:25 am
Excellent idea. Now where did I leave my Uzi…
April 11th, 2009 at 7:27 am
Thanks, El Jefe…I will add those to my interrogation questions. That should break this case wide open.
April 11th, 2009 at 7:28 am
Hmmm…I hadn't though to look for that. I will ask the kindly, white-haired southern gentleman that is always hanging around if he saw a bucket like that. Thanks!
April 11th, 2009 at 7:29 am
No one can get away with anything once us meddling kids get involved.
April 11th, 2009 at 9:24 am
I suggest you pay the ransom. It chokes me up to see a chicken in such a predicament, and whatever you do don't let him join the merchant marine! I understand the Sommelier's are ruthless!
April 11th, 2009 at 9:42 am
I plan to pay the ransom. Note that the chickennappers did not specify what kind of wine or the level of quality. I have a few bottles here that badly need a new home.
April 11th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
I know who and I know where the chicken is…..
April 14th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Oh my. We are having a similar issue happen in the operating room with nurse barbie and doctor ken, dolls given to us by drug reps. Not a kidnapping persey, but each morning barbie and ken are often found in compromising positions, suffice to say their were also surgical scalpels and needles involved. It's quite brutal, you never know where they will turn up. Best wishes in your rescue!
April 15th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
The chicken will be left by the tree behind AP. Await further instruction.
April 16th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
http://wdi.dyndns.org/chickennapped.png
April 17th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
You Chicken will officially be returned to your safety by monday. In the mean time the rooster's will have their way with it.
Until then….
April 20th, 2009 at 7:07 am
Due to this weekends stream of unfortunate wheather; I must inform you that today will not be the day that you receive your precious.
Until further notice…
April 20th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Due to this weekends stream of unfortunate wheather; I must inform you that today will not be the day that you receive your precious.
Until further notice…
April 20th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Due to this weekends stream of unfortunate wheather; I must inform you that today will not be the day that you receive your precious.
Until further notice…
July 1st, 2009 at 1:54 pm
[...] at the local JSC-area watering hole, I talked El Jefe into offering our readers (and all those rubber chicken thieving co-workers of Joe’s) a fabulous discount. And it’s not just us being crazy about the [...]