The morning after another raucous TasteLive! event, I run a Microsoft update. Being late for work, and forgetting that I still have the winery’s media DVD in the drive, I choose “Install and shut down” and leave for work. Unfortunately, when I get home and attempt to start up the computer it goes into an endless start-up loop.
God Hates Microsoft!
Thanks to the cheapasses at Microsoft, I do not have a full version of the operating system disks. They don’t include those with computers anymore. You’re supposed to make your own backup copy and hope it works when you need it.
Mine does not.
Nor do the replacement disks sent with the computer by HP after they halfass repair it (by putting all the old information onto the partitioned D drive and reinstalling the OS onto C, thereby leaving me with less space.) Seeing an opportunity to give me a real operating system, Joe reformats the hard-drive and installs Linux.
Unfortunately, I’m not the computer geek he is. I have little time or desire to learn a completely new system and half of the programs I use regularly won’t operate on Linux. So thankfully, another computer geek has a full set of Windows Vista disks and my OS is restored.
God loves Stephanie Miller!
Bless Stephanie Miller, radio goddess and star of The Sexy Liberal Comedy Tour (coming to a stage near you!) Thanks to her implore, I have Carbonite On-line Back-Up. But it’s not quite as quick and easy as it looks. Especially if one is leaving the very next day for Hospice du Rhone. It takes days to restore, when you have 31,436 files (65.12 GB) backed up. There’s the little problem of having to reinstall all the programs. Then all my old downloaded e-mail is trapped in the netherworld. Because as awesome as free Mozilla Thunderbird is, it’s a royal pain in the ass to restore.
So finally, about a month later I have everything restored.
Viruses are Evil!
But I forget to download TweetDeck for the next TasteLive! So when I do, I suddenly have NO SPACE left on my hard drive. So I start deleting files. But it shows I have LESS space than before I began deleting. Joe sets up space on the AWB server, so I can delete some of the 10,000 photos from the hard drive. But no matter how much I delete it shows LESS SPACE! Which, says Joe, sounds like a virus. Turns out that a virus either was downloaded or was hiding in my Carbonite restored files. So I kill the virus. And breathe a sigh of relief.
Then the same lack of space shows up on my phone. GRRRRR. Technology is awesome!
Except when it isn’t.
So after 6 weeks of messing around with a screwed up computer, which renders me post-less and near crazed, I sleep through my alarm. When I wake up the clock says 9:32 am (I planned on getting up at 5:30 a.m.) Now, my email isn’t working.
Please just give me a pier to walk off!
I run another virus scan. Leave the house and head for the office. To get stuck behind an effing TRAIN! For 25 minutes! At this point, if I make the one-hour commute to work, I’ll only have to turn around in 2 hours to make it home in time for another TasteLive! event. So when the speed-of-a-slug train FINALLY gets past so traffic can continue, I say, “Screw it, I’ll go in tomorrow!” And head for the nearest local “tea room.”
Get on with the Tea Party!
Tea Rooms rarely see anything resembling Anthony Weiner, tweeted or otherwise. Most men do not do Southern tea rooms. In fact, I think most men are convinced that their testicles will shrivel up and fall off should they enter a tea room at all!
But I love the little “tea” sandwiches: chicken salad on croissant, ham on wheat; pimento cheese on white, and cream cheese on gingerbread, with the Tea Room’s own Charleston “delight” a whipped strawberry mousse, with Raspberry tea! And suddenly life’s not so bad.
There is something inherently female and Southern about iced tea — especially Sweet Tea. My cousin Cathy lived with us during the Vietnam era, when her then husband was off fighting the Communists in the jungle. My mother swears we went through five pounds of sugar every week. Because Cathy loves her “sweet” tea.
Most men I’ve surveyed think it’s an abomination. Sugar in tea.
Personally, I prefer no sugar at all. Flavored tea with a sprig of mint and a slice of lemon or orange is perfectly congenial. Tetley, Lipton and especially Tea Forté is especially thirst-quenching tea! But for some gentile ladies from the South, sugar is an absolute necessity.
High Octane Tea Recipes
Whatever your pleasure, June 10th is National Iced Tea Day! Here are a few higher octane tea-infused cocktails to help you celebrate! It’s not your Southern grandma’s Ice Tea–but tea even a manly man could love.
Weed & Lemonade
Courtesy of Jeremiah Weed
Mix 1 1/2 oz. Jeremiah Weed Sweet Tea Flavored Vodka with lemonade over ice. Garnish with lemon.
Bourbon Weed and Water
Also courtesy of Jeremiah Weed
Pour 1 1/2 oz Jeremiah Weed Sweet Tea Flavored Vodka & Bourbon Whiskey over ice and a squeeze of lemon.
Charbay Green Teani
Courtesy of Charbay
Combine 2 oz Charbay Green Tea Vodka with 2 oz unfiltered premium Sake in a shaker with ice. Strain into martini glass.
Courtesy of Drink of the Week
4 cups water
1/2 cup sugar
8 black tea bags
1 lemon, cut into 8 wedges
1/2 cup fresh mint leaves
2 cups Wild Turkey American Honey
In large saucepan, boil 4 cups water. Add 1/2 cup sugar; stir to dissolve. Remove from heat; add 8 teabags of black tea. Steep 10 minutes; discard teabags. Add 4 cups cold water; transfer to pitcher and chill. Mash or muddle lemon wedges and add to pitcher. Add 1/2 cup fresh mint leaves. Using a wooden spoon, crush mint until fragrant. Stir in 2 cups of American Honey. Serve over ice.
Zen Iced Tea
Courtesy of Drink of the Week
Mix 1 oz Zen Green Tea Liqueur with Crystal Light Iced Tea. Pour over ice and top with lemon.
For those who favor “Long Island” Iced Tea, despite there being no actual tea anywhere near your glass, here is a classic recipe.
Long Island Iced Tea
Also courtesy of Drink of the Week
Pour 1/2 oz vodka, 1/2 oz gin, 1/2 oz rum, 1/2 oz triple sec, 1/2 oz sweet & sour over ice. Top with Coke and a twist of lemon.
By the way, before you say, “get an Apple”…we like real computers. And as much as we hate Bill Gates, we hate Steve Jobs more. So much that we have created a product line for Android Fans, called “You’re Not the Boss of Me, Steve.” You can shop for our pro-Android gear here.
We’re having a Tea Party for National Iced Tea Day. A real tea party. The kind that doesn’t give a hoot about the deficit!
*Photo by Leona Dill, circa 1967, that’s me pouring the tea!