Announcing the Results of the 2010 Annual AWB Self-Serving Wino Survey
Another Wine Blog is delighted to reveal the results of our 2010 Annual AWB Self-Serving Wino Survey. But first, a few words about our methodology. After all, a survey of any kind is only as good as the methodology employed and only a complete douchebag would refuse to reveal how the results were obtained, n’est-ce pas? Initially it was determined that our questions would be designed in such a way so we could gather information that would be helpful to everyone involved in the wine industry these days; wine makers, bloggers, traditional media, PR folks and the general public; pretty much anyone. After careful deliberation, and a few more glasses of excellent free blogger-sample wine, we decided, “fuck a whole lot of that, how can we twist this bitch to benefit us?”
The survey was sent out to a scientifically chosen sample size of bloggers; all of whom we had personally vetted. Clearly we couldn’t invite all wine bloggers to participate, so our process was designed to provide the utmost clarity and cohesion in our results. Our goal was to find participants whose work we consider to be serious, consistent and of the highest quality. Having met so many wine bloggers over the years, we are fully aware of what a bunch of reprobates and pirates make up our numbers. Even so, I am completely confident that we gathered the absolute best and most representative group available.
As soon as the vetting process was over I sat down and began to get Amy’s answers. In the interest of full disclosure I have to admit that, despite having good intentions, I didn’t really pay much attention to her answers because I was busy thinking up my own answers instead. Even so, I am fully confident that my answers are representative of both of our fully-vetted and qualified sample group. In a perfect world this survey would be as helpful to all of you as we intend it to be for us. That is not very likely, but we thought it might make you feel better to know that your best interest is a high priority for us. Now on to the results.
Section One: The Wholly Representative Demographics of Everything Wine Related
We found that our respondents were split exactly down the middle when it came to gender. Surprisingly, this number has not fluctuated no matter how often we asked, nor did it change even a single percentage point no matter how we worded the question. If anyone had any questions about the reliability of our methodology such rock solid and unmoving data should put them to rest.
The good news is that since wine has been known to make one want to, to put it delicately, frolic like bunnies, this 50/50 split would seem to be quite fortuitous. We feel quite certain that this ratio applies equally to bloggers, other wine professionals and the general public.
From there we moved on to ethnicity. Here our results provided the first surprise among all of the data that we collected. It seems that fully 50% of all bloggers, wine writers, and even wine drinkers are Irish.
Being very liberal-minded, fair and against racial profiling of any kind, we at AWB were loath to publish anything that might reinforce the stereotype that the Irish are two-fisted drunken brawlers. Then we figured, screw it…we didn’t put the bottle in their hands, and we’ll kick the shit out of anyone who doesn’t like it.
Next came age, where again our results, using our superior methodology, surprised us by debunking the commonly held beliefs of most marketers, PR people and all of the other folks who did a poor job of choosing their college curriculum. It’s not their fault really. Who knew there would be no market for Latin majors by the time they graduated?
But back to the results. One look at the highly accurate age chart clearly shows that way too much attention has been paid to the wrong demographic, probably based on poor advice given by self-appointed ‘experts.’ All you poor saps in the wine industry should use those lightly researched and heavily worded white papers as napkins to wipe the millennial egg off of your collective faces.
Millennials shmillennials! Whose bright idea was it to target these know-nothings with stars in their eyes, dreaming of all that the future holds? What their future holds is trying to figure out how to pay rent, keep the heat on, make their car payments, buy the newest iDevice that their uncle Steve says they need, and all while saddled with ridiculous student loan payments. How in the hell do you expect them to buy Natty Lite, much less fine wine? They won’t be buying anything substantial until life punches the lights out of those stars, and wipes the goofy hopeful smiles off of their faces. And we haven’t even mentioned what will happen once they start having kids! The poor bastards won’t know what hit them.
No, as our chart clearly shows, all wine drinkers are between 40 and 49 years of age. Why is this? Simply put, they have jobs. Decent jobs too. Ones that pay enough to buy wine. Factor in the aches and pains and other reminders that this mortal coil will someday in the rapidly-approaching future spring them into oblivion, and this demographic is also highly motivated to drink. A lot.
Section Two: The Utterly Comprehensive Guide To Wine Blog Content
In parts of this section we discovered that it might take some actual research to arrive at the 100% accurate numbers required, so we just pulled them out of our ass. Fear not though, we can guarantee that their accuracy is on par or exceeds most surveys of this type. Trust us, we’re professionals!
Our first chart very accurately depicts a breakdown of the subject matter typically covered by the typical wine writer writing on the typical wine blog as gathered from our typical sample group of typical wine blogger respondents to our typical survey.
Takeaway: Wine blogs are much more tightly focused than blogs about other subjects.
The second chart in this area represents what is quite possibly the most shocking piece of information gleaned from our data. Despite having the reputation of being everything from upstarts to loose cannons, these ‘rebels’ are actually quite conformist. This revelation may rock the blogosphere to its core!
Section Three: Efficacious Demographical Drilldown (Seriously, who reads this shit?)
In our last section before the conclusions we look at who reads wine blogs, and why they read them. While not quite on the level of what happened to the Knights Templar treasure, or why a grown man like Tom Brady would wear his hair like Justin Bieber, not to mention the existence of Justin Bieber in the first place, this is a mystery that has baffled much of the civilized world for some time now. We believe our data will shine a bright light on this issue and reveal the truth about wine blog readers.
This is what our unimpeachable, and frankly, amazing survey shows about what sort of person reads a wine blog. There were no real surprises here, other than our respondents would admit these things.
Perhaps the most baffling thing about wine blogs is why anyone would take the time to read one. It is pretty obvious why some people write them; they have huge egos and want free wine, but we believe that this is the first time that anyone has revealed the reason that they are read.
So far we have mainly been providing raw data about a wide variety of subjects. In this section we take that raw data and process it, organize it, and present it in the correct context; thereby turning it into useful information that can be used to make informed conclusions. By informed conclusion I mean that we will be telling you what it all means and then you will know conclusively. We’re professionals, remember?
So far we have learned that wine drinkers, writers, bloggers and readers are 50% male and 50% female. We have also learned that half of those same folks are of Irish descent. Another important piece of data is that these people are, without exception, between 40 and 49 years of age.
What does this mean? Well, combined with the data conclusively proving that we all write about the same lame stuff for the exact same audience, and the fact that your mom types for shit, it means that the conclusions above would be key. Given those irrefutable facts, what is the only logical thing for a winery looking to send out samples of their very expensive and delicious wine, or a PR person with a press junket to Bordeaux or Rioja to fill, to do? What bloggers should consumers trust? Which bloggers should other bloggers emulate and revere? Who would be the best bloggers to be the gatekeepers to decide who is worthy among all of these groups to connect?
A correct analysis of the results of this survey is very clear, only one blog can cover the needs for all of these demographics completely. All others fall short in one way or another. What blog is capable of such a herculean task? See the next chart for the definitive and completely unbiased findings of our totally vetted and qualified sample group of respected respondents.
Imagine our surprise, given that we were so meticulous in developing an unassailable methodology, to find that WE were the only wine blog that anyone at all could ever need! We here at AWB realize that some people will be less than happy to find that they are left on the outside looking in, and we understand, but science and the people have spoken. We said so, and did I mention that we are professionals?
One last bit of trivia that we discovered during this monumental, groundbreaking study. The number of wine bloggers afraid of print writers covering the same subject?